There was a question back in my younger days of high school that a friend asked me. How much are you willing to give up for the one you love? Back then, I told them I could give up everything. To me, someone I love was worth more than anything in the world. I wanted the one I loved to be happy... always.
When I broke up the first time, I thought about this question again. Was it true? Could I really give up everything for the one I loved? Although we broke up on bad terms, a part of me was filled with intense hatred! I gave so much of my heart for their happiness... and in return... I received nothing but complete rejection and betrayal. I was really mad and angry... but at the same time... a part of me really wanted them to be happy... I thought that I could really just ignore it... and hope for their happiness... A part of me was willing to do that... but the other... clawed at me and tormented me for all this time... Even to this day... I still feel the sharp scars that dug into my heart...
Much has changed since then... but I have once again been confronted by this same question. "How much are you willing to give up for the one you love?" I have fallen in love with someone that I can never be with. Knowing that there can never be a bright future for me... I tried my best to do what I always thought was the right thing to do. To hope for their happiness is the best love you can give them. This was the ideal answer that I kept saying inside my head. But it is really hard to accomplish. Every day, I suffer the pains of trying to forget this desire to see them. But everywhere are small traces that keeps bringing me back to the happy memories of this person that I have fallen for. No matter how hard I try, I am tormented by the memories. I really wish for their joy and happiness... but seeing their interactions with others and leaving me behind fills me with sadness... The more I see them going out... the more I feel left behind...
I really wish for their happiness... So I have been keeping all my feelings inside... Never wanting... and fearing to tell them. But it is just so painful to hold them in for all this time. I wish these feelings would of love would just fade... But it is something that is easier said than done. I am tempted to tell them... and forever disappear from their life. Never to bother or burden them with my presence. It is very selfish for me to do this... and leave them. But it just pains me so much to live each day feeling the grief and sorrows from something that can never happen...
In the end... I guess I really can't give everything for the one I love... There is always only so much that I can give... before I am worn out to a point of exhaustion. Knowing me... this feeling of love will never leave me... unless if I disappear from the one I love...
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