I must become stronger!

Lately... I've been freaking out more than normal in regards to the people around me. I think I have become more afraid and wary of the things around me... when I shouldn't be. Much has changed in terms of my personality lately... I am somewhat sure that I know why I feel this way... but I am beginning to feel that I am becoming a burden on people more and more. This probably comes as a side effect of being afraid and wary of things. Becoming more and more fragile... like a frozen rose... vulnerable and easily shattered if anyone attempts to smash me...

These aren't feelings that I particularly like to have... From a pessimistic point of view, I see giving up as the easiest option... to just leave and hide in my corner... But inside... I don't want to give up... I keep getting these thoughts of giving up... And every time I start to think this way... I am confronted by good people who change my mind... I want to cling to the things I have now. And to do that... I feel I must change... I mustn't be weak... I mustn't give into the weakness that I am feeling now...

I want to be able to stand up tall once again, after having fallen numerous times. I am sure I would break down again someday soon... but I am expecting this... I am going to succumb to the emotions that have built up inside of me...

Although I am saying that I must change to cling to the things I hold dear... I am incredibly scared. I am afraid of change... I am afraid of losing friends... I am afraid of life itself... Too many unaccountable factors fall into play... I am afraid... But... I know for sure... that I must try harder and give it my all to confront the weakness in me.

Sounds crazy for me to write this... but I will read this message in the future as a reminder that ... I may be weak... but I must strive to be stronger. I can't let the weakness claim me... There is too much to give up for staying weak... And there is a lot to gain by becoming stronger... It doesn't matter if people read this or not... It is something I want to declare as my determination. I've had determination in games... It's time for me to change that into determination for real life.

My first attempt to become stronger... is to stop feeling so inferior to others. I am not inferior to any of my friends. We are all free living individuals. Also... I must realize that everyone has their on and off days. Some may be sad at times. Or angry at times. But we are all human... Take and accept life.

Remember Alastor... Reforge thyself in the flames of hell and pierce through the darkness with this edge of searing strength. Find the light...