Breaking Down Again...

After all that I've said the previous days... I keep going back to my timid and inferior self... Today I was playing games with friends and I felt like I was feeling really inferior as I am unable to win or anything and that I felt I was being picked on. I am such a failure in that sense... and I get to the point where I am trembling and shaking. I felt like crying...

I told my friends and we had a nice talk... They all said it was good that I told them and such... but I guess I feel like I am just the type of person who doesn't like burdening others. In my mentality... I should always be the one giving out ... cause I am not a person worth their time... I am just a mere person who happens to be there.

In my little world... I find that me helping others is great! But others helping me is something that should never happen, as it is probably a burden for them. I dunno how to get out of this mentality... I know this is how life is... I know that it should be okay that people can help you... but I find it so hard to accept that inside myself... I don't find myself to be someone worth their time... I dunno... This is just another day that's going to pass...

Also... I am feeling quite lame... like I don't fit in all the time... I still wonder how come I'm here really... I guess I really like the company... but I am really afraid of asking for their help... where they would have to do something for me... I am just really scared of facing that... I was always raised never to ask for help from others... as you cause them problems... and I am really confused at what I should really do... I dunno... I'm confused... I need some time to rest... and some time to think about things...